The Little Things.

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile but life has been a bit hectic. And in the middle of everything going on I have learned to love the little things in life. I have done some pretty great things this month. Made new friends, walked a 5K, got rid of some more weight :) Its been pretty great!

So there is a new trend in my life lately. Perfect strangers coming up to me and telling me how amazing they think I am! It is a great feeling to know that people that I see everyday at the gym see my hard work. But, with that being said it has been hard for me to take the compliments. I have never been the life of the party and if I was it was WAY back in a day I can't for the life of me remember. If you know me you know it takes awhile for me to warm up to you and become a complete and utter freak of nature LOL. But until I do I am pretty withdrawn and a bit more observant. So when strangers come up to me and tell me how they feel about me I tell them thank you and if they want to hug me I hug them SO you could say I am trying to be a bit more normal LOL :)

So like three weeks ago I was in Zumba working out with my amazing friend Marixol and I told her lets workout in front so I can take off my glasses (I AM BLIND!) and she said ok lets go! Well About 20 minutes into working out. I just became totally uncomfortable and instantly didn't want to be there. I was thinking to myself that I was a total fatty and I had no business in that class with seemingly normal looking people. But I fought off the feeling and stayed the class out. Well I am sure the Instructor felt me uncomfortableness and she came over to me and told me I did great and not to give up (bless her heart) So we went down stairs and I gave Marixol a hug and made a B line for the door. She followed me to ask me if I was ok and I lied and said I was fine. I just wanted out of there!! So I got home and Gerardo knew something was wrong but again I lied.. I got in the shower and cried for at least ten or fifteen minutes. I was crying and thinking that I wouldn't go back. But then I thought WAIT I LOVE THE GYM I can't give up.. So as defeated as I felt I got out of the shower and I got dressed and I went into the living room and there on my phone was a message that read "you are awesome don't forget it!" it was from Joe! He was not at the gym when I made a B line for the door. How did he know that right at that moment I needed to hear that? HOW??? Because that's how awesome he is  :) I honestly would have given up months ago if it wasn't for Joe. That I am sure of!! In this process he is the yang to my yin he keeps me grounded! And he listens to all my cries and gripes! And I am pretty sure I am a WHINER lol. but he listens and then tells me to get over it :) Joe I know you will read this and I just want to thank you for everything you do for me I think you are an AMAZING friend and an even more amazing trainer!!

So remember when you feel like giving up DON'T Push through the negative feelings it will get you to where you want to be!! I know being positive will get me to where I want to be! That and kick a** workouts. Learn to enjoy the sun shining and the birds chirping because it is all the little things in life that we are missing that can make us happy :)
 

POSITIVITY!

Positivity is something that I lacked in life. It is so funny because if you would have asked me to do something outside of my physical capability (or what I thought was my physical capability) this time last year I would have just told you NO it is impossible, leave it for the people that can do it. I don't know where in my lifetime I lost my spark. I used to be so full of life! I mean I know I haven't had the best life. I have had some pretty traumatic things happen to me in my lifetime. But I still had a spark. I can not pinpoint when exactly I lost it but I did. I just simply gave up. BUT things happen for a reason people change. And as dead as I was on the inside I have changed! I live now. NO isn't in my vocabulary I dont care how impossible it seems to be I will try it! And I think that is why I have become such a positive person, nothing or no one can kill my spark anymore. Being negative gets us no where in life imagine if the world was filled with a bunch of people that just said no I can't do it, where would we be?

Making a positive change in my life has made the hard decisions in life easier. Exercise for one! And who knew I would LOVE it LOL. My diet I have completely turned it upside down and I thought for sure I would have a really hard time doing so BUT it was a snap! So there is something to say about changing your negative self image and making it a positive one. I am not going to say it is easy to do cause some days I had to fake the funk. LOL. But it is really easy to do if you have a good support system. I found my support system in the funniest place. Don't get me wrong I have some of the best family and friends EVER and I know they all support my decision! But for me I found my support system as soon as I walked in to the gym, the people that I have come across there are AMAZING! It is a great feeling when the front desk people know your name before you even check in. For a wall flower like me it makes me feel special :) I feel even more special that they take time out of their day to acknowledge all my hard work I always want to tell them that they mean the world to me. And Joe well GEEZ he has become like my back bone he's the friend that stands behind you and pushes you to move up in line when you aren't paying any attention!  I probably would have long given up instead of pushing harder! Without him I'd be lost!

So yea what I am saying is even on the darkest days you can be positive. you can do ANYTHING you set your mind too! For everyone (if anyone) who is reading this, if you have lost your spark I hope you find it again life is way to great to give up on! I wish you luck on all you endeavors what ever they may be! Move the road blocks and get to truckin' consider me your support! I will always tell each and every one of you that you are worth way more then you think you are!!

Happy truckin' everyone :)

The good, the bad, and the ugly!

So it has been a bit since I have blogged, life has been BUSY that is always a good thing :). With that being said lets get down to business. I have had some serious ups and downs these last few weeks.

My ups were great work outs and I mean GREAT can you say STAIR STAIRS STAIRS!!! And I have been busy making friends and stuff something I never thought I would be able to do, because I am a hermit for those who don't already know lol I always have been and probably always will be. They should have meetings for us like AA meetings but I guess no one would show right? HAHA.

So for everyone who doesn't know I have something called PCOS its where I have cysts that grow uncontrollably on my women parts. It has been a factor on my weight gain and it will be a factor on my weight loss I went to the Dr's about three weeks ago and they changed all my medication :( it throws me off. BUT I am not letting it stop me AT ALL nor am I blaming it for where I have gotten myself. I am where I am mainly because of bad food decisions and inactivity!

So I had a weigh in with Joe on the 20th and it had been 6 weeks since my last weigh in and for some reason no matter how good I am about working out everyday I tend not to be as good at weighing myself :( I realized I hadn't been doing it for that I blame ME. So I got on the scale all excited only find out that I had only lost 4 pounds I WAS SO MAD at myself that is! So it went from bad to worse when we did my measurements and I gained an inch in my waist and hips. I WAS ANGRY again at myself! So I went through that whole session feeling like I let everyone down. Never once did it dawn on me that I let myself down, because in all reality this is my journey! So I went home and I began to contemplate the situation. Now let me tell you the old me would have said "that's it I'm done! No more working out!" BUT we aren't talking about the old me, we are talking about the new stronger me, the one that took on this life change HEAD ON and nothing and I do mean NOTHING will stop me from getting to where I want to be! I know I have a LONG road but it will be traveled not only for me but for the many people cheering me on!! So I never thought about quitting I decided there and then I knew what would change it would me AGAIN and I completely revamped my diet literally over night! I gave up all bread, and pasta and for awhile meat. I thought for sure that I would have issues with this choice maybe even mood swings. But I thought if I could quit smoking cold turkey I could quit food cold turkey! And It was the best decision I have ever made. I started eating this way on the 23rd and I have dropped 10 1/2 POUNDS!!!!! And I feel amazing :) I will never go back to the food I was eating. I will bring meat back MAYBE haha but for now this is working for me and it will be my way of doing things :).

Don't ever let a bad situation or choice make up your whole life because if you quit when things get hard you wil never get ANYWHERE. If you don't like something CHANGE IT! That is my lesson for the week :) Life is full of lessons this I know well.

It's like filling a hole up with dirt.

Imagine you have a huge hole and when I say huge I mean a sink hole like the one in Peru and there is you with a shovel trying to fill it. Will it ever happen?? Are you wasting your time?? Do you give up?? That is the battle that I am going through on a daily basis. I am filling this HUGE sink hole with a simple shovel. And I question myself everyday is it working?? And most importantly is it worth it?? And my answer to you is YES IT IS its worth ever drop of sweat and every minute of effort I have put into it. I know that "one day" I will fill the sink hole and then it will be covered forever, but I will always patrol it to make sure it never gets that large again!

The more I go to the gym the more people know me. They may not know my name or my story but they know I am there to make me new again! People wave at me, people who sadly I don't know or have never noticed. I am so grateful for these people they really keep my spirits up during this whole process. I was on the elliptical on Thursday morning and a woman came up to me to tell me she admired me for what I am doing. It's little things like that, that make my day. Just to know that these people see my effort and take time out of their day to acknowledge it makes me feel really special. But we can't get by on special alone right? I get myself in a funk where I go to the gym but I dont give it my all, it happens to us all right?? Sometimes I get on the elliptical and I know what I am capable of but I get lazy and then later I regret it :( Well today I pushed myself to get motivated and give it my all. I need to keep myself in check! I think I will make it my own personal competition to progressively beat my last calorie burn.. Did I mention how much I love body flow class, I didn't know what to do with myself yesterday afternoon without body flow and zumba I love Wednesdays even though I am pretty convinced that I look like a complete fool in those classes I DON'T CARE! LOL I am progressively getting better form in both classes and that make me happy :) This is what I imagine I look like minus the hat and tie of course.

Random Story.

 So I was in the shower the other day and I felt a lump on my front side area and if wasn't moving around and it was pretty big. So the whole time I was in the shower I was thinking geez I am doing all this hard work just to find a lump that is a pretty scary thing! So I got out of the shower and screamed for my husband to come check it out. And the whole time he was feeling around I said I am making an appointment to see a Dr A.S.A.P. and that I was scared. Well he just started laughing and I was thinking well thats pretty rude to laugh at a scared person!! He looked at me and said "the lump in question is you hip bone!" OMG was I embarrassed I honestly forgot I had one of those in there. I haven't felt it in years. Needless to say I won't be going to the Dr's for a check up.  

Stronger and Better!

So Friday I had a pretty great workout! I may complain while I am doing it but I love the fact that my body is being challenged in every way!  I want to say the second week of working out with Joe he tried to get me to do a core hold and I couldn't do it there was no way possible for me to keep my lower half and upper half of my body off the ground at the same time. It is always very disheartening to me when I physically cannot do something asked of me. Why in the heck did I let myself to get this way! It is very fruastrating but I keep pushing through. Well on Friday Joe said lets see if we can do a core hold I was quick to try and guess what I DID IT and I held it for 30 seconds TWICE might I add!! That is a huge thing for me isn't it amazing how you can accomplish things with hard work! The guy in the picture looks way better doing it but you get the idea LOL.

I have to say that my new love is yoga believe it or not.. I think it's funny how I accidentally stumbled into something that would become one of favorite activities of ALL TIME!! On Sunday I was in yoga class and it gave me a little giggle when the guy next to me who was very much in shape couldn't hold the downward dog as long as I could. After class he had to ask me how I do it, I told him that under all this excess fat and skin is muscles in the making he giggled and told me to keep up the good work. I really wanted to shout "I am HULK" :) seriously though I am amazed by my journey every day, some days I need a little encouragement to see the progress I have made but for the most part I see it and it's AMAZING. Not to sound like I am getting a big head but I love when I haven't seen someone in awhile and they tell me how great I look it It makes me smile all the way from my soul! It's nice when my hard work is acknowledged occasionally. Well I hope everyone is having a wonderful week and you are all getting out and being active in this beautiful weather! I know I am :).

Progress Picture :)

So this morning I was working out and one of the trainers and her client asked me what I was doing, if I had a special diet or anything they said I was looking amazing it made me smile :) and they went around the corner and I could hear them saying how fantastic I looked. It really makes your day when someone acknowledges all the hard work you are doing doesn't it?? Sometimes I dont see the progress I have made because I and most definitely my biggest critic. But sometimes when I pass a mirror I don't recognize myself! so as promised here is a side progress photo this is where you can really see me taking shape literally LOL. Now let me tell you that this is a two month difference I accidentally deleted my beginning picture which burns my buns! Did I mention I cant stop staring at it!!! :)
Hope everyone is have a great week, I know I am!!  

So this is the beginning, well some what of the beginning. I started waking up and realizing that I didn't feel anything like I looked on the outside. I had created a world of smoke and mirrors! I didn't know what to do, how does one go about changing their life?? So I set out to make life the way I want it to be. We create our own journeys and for many years I have let people create mine. WHY you ask? I think it is because I have never felt worthy of being in other peoples presence. I have always felt like second hand goods and so I have always set out to please other people because life's easier that way right? WRONG! I wasn't happy with myself in the mirror and definitely not with my spirit. I was dying on the inside I felt trapped, like that saying theres a skinny girl inside waiting to come out. Well yea except I was sitting on her, and she was bound, gagged and tired of fighting! Well she's decided its time to come out!! and in a big way might I add! My journey of self discovery started when I began making amends with all the mistakes I had made in my life. We all make them right?!?! Well I made HUGE ones. I alienated people from my life that loved me for me solely because I never felt like I fit in no matter how much they loved me! I built walls, mountains, rivers and a lifetime (LITERALLY) in between us! Well a life time later I broke the walls down and what I found waiting for me were open arms and LOTS of LOVE. I have learned over this journey one person can never have to much love, see I already have a husband who has never judged me for what he's seen on the outside because he saw something in me that I never did and for that I will love him FOREVER! He is one of the reasons I had the strength in the beginning to start to break away the walls and crap I had created in my life. So now this new person started emerging a person who doesnt care what other people think just as long as shes happy with herself!

 I want to concur the world and I can honestly say that its a hard world to concur when you have a ton (literally) of padding hanging on your body! SO on January 31st 2012 I woke up and decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and NO MORE EXCUSES!!! I got off work that dark night and I went straight to 24 hour fitness and signed up before I chickened out. Mentally I had already decided it was do or die because with the weight of the world on my shoulders if I failed at this then I am surly headed for death!! I started on my own I said I'd go everyday except sunday. I joined an aqua class and I was petrified LOL but I loved it! I started going 2 times a week and that left four days of treadmill and elliptical. I got on the elliptical and after a few minutes I had to get off I thought I was going to die for sure. but the next day I did a few more minutes and after a few weeks I was up to 30 mintues a day! after that I bumped it up to 45-50 minutes a day. In the time that I was showing up everyday all the front desk people began to get to know me. One stood out from the rest she is still to this day my biggest fan! She gets really excited when I meet one of my milestones or I simply have a good workout! One day she offered me a free workout with a trainer and without hesitation I jumped on the offer! I had been contemplating working upstairs in the weight room but HELLO fat girl here knows nothing about the machines so I figured at least I will get some kind of idea of what I was doing. So after a few days Joe called me and we set up an appt. I was excited and nervous all at the same time! I thought hes gonna take one look at me and think I was a joke! So the day came and I went in and Joe made me feel like any other person he has trained we worked out for an hour and he gave me an overload of information but he never once tried to sell me anything! I went home feeling great! By the next morning I was so SORE I thought there has to be something to this training and my husband and I decided Id give it a go. I can honestly say its been LIFE CHANGING!! Joe has given me the courage to face any thing! And the strength to know I can concur anything! I may gripe a little while doing it but honestly this fat girl can say I LOVE THE GYM and everything about it! A good workout is like an ice cream sundae for me now!

I was talking to my step mom and she said "Sarah you should start a blog!" At first I thought I cant start a blog people will laugh! And I don't want to offer false hope to any one. But as the day progressed I thought if I can inspire at least one other person out there then I don't care if a million people laugh! So this is my journey I can promise that I will be honest in my journey and sharing it with you all! I am no where near perfect and I can't promise every post will be sunny and full of roses but I can promise honesty and hopefully that can help encourage some of you with anything you are trying to accomplish in life! Sorry this first post is sooooo long but the next will be short and sweet I promise!!! Hope you are all happy and well! Till the next time :)


P.S. I will start posting progress picture soon! Please feel free to let me know what you think! and share the blog if you want!!