So this is the beginning, well some what of the beginning. I started waking up and realizing that I didn't feel anything like I looked on the outside. I had created a world of smoke and mirrors! I didn't know what to do, how does one go about changing their life?? So I set out to make life the way I want it to be. We create our own journeys and for many years I have let people create mine. WHY you ask? I think it is because I have never felt worthy of being in other peoples presence. I have always felt like second hand goods and so I have always set out to please other people because life's easier that way right? WRONG! I wasn't happy with myself in the mirror and definitely not with my spirit. I was dying on the inside I felt trapped, like that saying theres a skinny girl inside waiting to come out. Well yea except I was sitting on her, and she was bound, gagged and tired of fighting! Well she's decided its time to come out!! and in a big way might I add! My journey of self discovery started when I began making amends with all the mistakes I had made in my life. We all make them right?!?! Well I made HUGE ones. I alienated people from my life that loved me for me solely because I never felt like I fit in no matter how much they loved me! I built walls, mountains, rivers and a lifetime (LITERALLY) in between us! Well a life time later I broke the walls down and what I found waiting for me were open arms and LOTS of LOVE. I have learned over this journey one person can never have to much love, see I already have a husband who has never judged me for what he's seen on the outside because he saw something in me that I never did and for that I will love him FOREVER! He is one of the reasons I had the strength in the beginning to start to break away the walls and crap I had created in my life. So now this new person started emerging a person who doesnt care what other people think just as long as shes happy with herself!

 I want to concur the world and I can honestly say that its a hard world to concur when you have a ton (literally) of padding hanging on your body! SO on January 31st 2012 I woke up and decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and NO MORE EXCUSES!!! I got off work that dark night and I went straight to 24 hour fitness and signed up before I chickened out. Mentally I had already decided it was do or die because with the weight of the world on my shoulders if I failed at this then I am surly headed for death!! I started on my own I said I'd go everyday except sunday. I joined an aqua class and I was petrified LOL but I loved it! I started going 2 times a week and that left four days of treadmill and elliptical. I got on the elliptical and after a few minutes I had to get off I thought I was going to die for sure. but the next day I did a few more minutes and after a few weeks I was up to 30 mintues a day! after that I bumped it up to 45-50 minutes a day. In the time that I was showing up everyday all the front desk people began to get to know me. One stood out from the rest she is still to this day my biggest fan! She gets really excited when I meet one of my milestones or I simply have a good workout! One day she offered me a free workout with a trainer and without hesitation I jumped on the offer! I had been contemplating working upstairs in the weight room but HELLO fat girl here knows nothing about the machines so I figured at least I will get some kind of idea of what I was doing. So after a few days Joe called me and we set up an appt. I was excited and nervous all at the same time! I thought hes gonna take one look at me and think I was a joke! So the day came and I went in and Joe made me feel like any other person he has trained we worked out for an hour and he gave me an overload of information but he never once tried to sell me anything! I went home feeling great! By the next morning I was so SORE I thought there has to be something to this training and my husband and I decided Id give it a go. I can honestly say its been LIFE CHANGING!! Joe has given me the courage to face any thing! And the strength to know I can concur anything! I may gripe a little while doing it but honestly this fat girl can say I LOVE THE GYM and everything about it! A good workout is like an ice cream sundae for me now!

I was talking to my step mom and she said "Sarah you should start a blog!" At first I thought I cant start a blog people will laugh! And I don't want to offer false hope to any one. But as the day progressed I thought if I can inspire at least one other person out there then I don't care if a million people laugh! So this is my journey I can promise that I will be honest in my journey and sharing it with you all! I am no where near perfect and I can't promise every post will be sunny and full of roses but I can promise honesty and hopefully that can help encourage some of you with anything you are trying to accomplish in life! Sorry this first post is sooooo long but the next will be short and sweet I promise!!! Hope you are all happy and well! Till the next time :)


P.S. I will start posting progress picture soon! Please feel free to let me know what you think! and share the blog if you want!!